I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
