I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
