I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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