Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm