Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.