so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
