So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
