She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
