I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
When are your genitals available?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
