My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
sarcasm needs its own font
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
