The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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