when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
