Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
