You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I think my moral compass just broke
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
