i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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