so that wasnt chicken after all
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
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Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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