Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
