dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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