Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
