i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
