I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
