We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
