Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I FOUND THE LEGS
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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