I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
