I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
