Redeem this text for a blowjob
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
