non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
