"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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