Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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