we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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