I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
