Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
