Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
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Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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