is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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