I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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