she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
