and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize