I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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