I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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