Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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