The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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