How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
