If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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