you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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