There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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