bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
