so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
