Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Randomize
