If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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