I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I pour the whiskey from now on
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
