I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
