like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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