Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
