So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
