Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
