can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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