Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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