You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
