I just cut my nipple shaving
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
