My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
