Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
