Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
