On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
