i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
