I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
