Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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