I'm so fucking centered right now
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Randomize
