I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize