He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
