I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
