Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
