he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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